And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
