just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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