It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
