even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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