i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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