OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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