We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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