I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
