I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
