John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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