HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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