this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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