I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
