Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
