i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
