I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
