Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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