What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
