we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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