508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
