Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
