Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
