your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
