Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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