You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
