Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry corona88 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.

Fav 1 1362 799
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg

Fav 5 861 3023
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time

Fav 7 1254 3586
share tweet
(313): View more from Michigan

I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.

Fav 9 1543 2747
share tweet
(323): View more from California

What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?

Fav 10 2628 913
share tweet
(608): View more from Wisconsin

So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?

(1-608): View more from Wisconsin

I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.

Fav 1 3086 882
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(812): View more from Indiana

Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.

Fav 5 1830 836
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(805): View more from California

Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.

Fav 3 690 417
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(518): View more from New York

I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.

Fav 1 223 336
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT