I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
