you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i dont even know how to be here
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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