Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
