Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
