So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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