She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You need Xanax blowdarts
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
