If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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