i think my mom watched the whole time
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
