I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
