The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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