who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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