it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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