so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize