is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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