when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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