I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sober January is a disaster.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
