Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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