We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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