That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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