I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
