Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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