I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
