Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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