Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
