I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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