Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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