True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
