have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize