I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
