Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
