I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
