hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
