Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
