You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
