i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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