for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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