WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
