Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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