so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
