SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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