It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
