Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
