no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
