i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
