Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
