I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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