so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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