have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
