You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
