I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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